Let the Father die, and let the Monster rise!
by mysticwryter
Summary: The final thoughts of Nathan before he lets the monster through.


I'm still in the dressing room shocked at the audacity of my daughter, screaming; all that ran through my head was my failures. The failure of saving my beloved wife from whatever ailed her, my daughter's condition and protect her from the outside world which she would never understand.

"Didn't you say you would protect me didn't you?" It echoed with her soft voice as I scrambled to my feet, grasping my sense of balance. I wouldn't believe that I just saw my daughter in a beauiful dress; I knew that she was at home in her stock white bedroom, resting in her bed having dreams of a perfect world with a complete family. I couldn't get it. I stood in shock. "Why is she here?" I thought to himself, "I thought she would never know what I've become; a monster which takes back life that was given to others for a price. I've struggled to keep this all together, all a secret but now it's laid out before us and I'm the one with nothing to say. Oh, God what she must think of me is worse than a monster. Look at her holding that helmet with her flawless hands; the same hands I caressed when she would slumber. How could I let her know? How could I tell her? 'Shy, your daddy is the Repo Man; a surgeon that takes back reposessed organs from patients and delivers to that spawn of shit Rotti. I killed people for the sake of returning unpaid bills due to transplants." For some odd reason I thought she would welcome me in open arms, cradle me as I fall upon my knees in the absolute dread that would overbear me. No. I got shock, horror, disgust, hurt. She tells me that I would have protected her but I failed for now I see her in front of me, not at home where her medicine is and I know she's safe within her bedroom walls."

"Shy..." I mustered a little sylable of her name. She threw the helmet at me, graveling below her, seeking forgiveness like a phesant to the prince for one more slice of bread. She turns away toward the door when she sees the screen. I raise myself toward the screen and find that Meg, Marni's best friend has been killed. Oh God, what did they do to her? He body is all twisted on the spikes of the fence; her eyes gouged out from her face. Did Rotti do this to her since I wasn't able to carry out the order? Did Meg do this to save herself from the clutches of GeneCo?

Marni, where are you? I need you now than ever before. Shy is gone and I'm left here with this Repo helmet to claim. What happened 17 years ago I can never forgive myself. I hurt you and now I don't have anyone except Shy, who now wishes I was dead. Why couldn't Rotti leave you alone, leave us alone? Why did I let GeneCo walk all over me? Mar, I sit alone in the middle of the night, hearing the roars of crowds outside and the moonlight illuminating the dismil streets below. Sometimes they fade and I'm left with silence. I can't help but wonder what it would feel like to not be here. If Shy wasn't here. Forgive me, but these thoughts run through my head. I think about taking a knife and just slicing my own wrists or hanging my neck in the halls of where I Repo. I need that peace. I want the weight off of me so I can fly with you. I wish for your voice to call me home. I can't live like this.

For this Marni, I can't continue. Shy, I can't keep you safe. Rotti; you insignificant prick. With your ailing body, I hope it rots in a shallow grave, where your skin and body putrefies with the hollowness which your body will hold. Before I die, I'll make a solumn oath that you will be brought down by my own hands. I'll bathe in your blood as a symbol of freedom from your chains of GeneCo. I will laugh in your face and make sure that you are still alive as I pull the cancerous heart from your chest.

Marni, please do not look upon me as a monster. I am still the same man you loved and adored. I cannot keep doing this to myself. I've struggled for 17 years, hoping that there was a way out. I still haven't found it. I wonder with the death of Rotti, will it be my ticket home? Will it bring me to you with smiles and warm embraces? Is Rotti my freedom from this derlict life that I've somehow lived? Please be here for me, Marni; guide me in the right path for once and not lead me into the darkness.

Shiloh...my darling daughter. I know what you must think of me right now and I know that you are hurt and shock at what you've just witnessed. Please understand in my reasoning that I had no choice in what I had to do. When your mother died, I had a young infant before me; one that I chose from either life or death. Rotti came to me and told me I was a murderer. I am not one; I was searching for a cure for her. I wanted a family as well, darling and I wasn't going to let some illness take you and your mother away from me. I failed in having a family. I raised you with the best intentions and with the knowledge of what I could posess. I failed at keeping you safe. I wanted the best for you; without the grudges of the outside world imposing upon you. God, Shy I love you so much. I never realized it until now. With that said, time hasn't given me enough to be with you. I still want to cradle you in my arms, kiss your tears and eyelids, hold you tight, teach you the wonders and beauty of life. I failed in keeping you well. This illness which I've kept at bay for so long has not only troubled you from being able to expose yourself to the outside, but it also has consumed me in paranoia. Please know that I had every intention of making sure you were comfortable and loved. Shiloh, please forgive me. If I am not to live past this night, darling, please know that I love you so much and that I'll always be there for you in our time of need. Change this world for me and you will make me the happiest father in the universe.

I didn't know I would love you so much, but I do.

Please forgive your daddy. I love you.

As I stand looking toward what I must do, I will die this instant and let the monster rise within me and take over. For he says he is the one that keeps me on my feet. I've failed within myself. I welcome the RepoMan to take me as the price for my freedom. Please, grant me that one request.

Everything is going black.

Goodbye my beautiful Shiloh.

Let the Father die...

AnD LeT thE mon$tER rI$e!


End file.
